Politics

SO BASICALLY THIS GUY DAVID CROWLEY WHO USED TO BE A HUGE DEAL IN POLITICS JUST PULLED OFF THIS INSANE POLITICAL COMEBACK WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE EVERYONE THOUGHT HIS CAREER WAS TOTALLY DEAD AND BURIED AFTER THAT MASSIVE SCANDAL WITH THE CAMPAIGN FUNDS AND THE WEIRD LOBBYIST DINNERS SO NOW HE IS BACK IN POWER AND CONTROLLING THE WHOLE LEGISLATIVE AGENDA WHICH HAS ALL THE OLD ESTABLISHMENT POLITICIANS FREAKING OUT AND SWEATING BULLETS BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THEY GOT RID OF HIM FOREVER AND YET HERE HE IS MAKING DEALS AGAIN AND TAKING NAMES WHILE EVERYONE WONDERS HOW HE PULLED IT OFF. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT OF TEQUILA?

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SO BASICALLY HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITIES ARE TOTALLY SHUTTING UP ABOUT POLITICS LATELY WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE THEY USED TO RUN THEIR MOUTHS NONSTOP ABOUT ELECTIONS AND POLICIES AND STUFF BUT NOW ALL THE BIG MOVIE STARS AND DIRECTORS ARE GETTING WAY TOO SCARED THAT STUDIO BOSSES WILL FIRE THEM AND BRAND DEALS WILL GET CANCELLED IF THEY PISS OFF HALF THE COUNTRY SO NOW EVERYBODY IS JUST POSTING PICTURES OF SMOOTHIES AND DOGS INSTEAD OF SAVING DEMOCRACY WHICH IS WILD. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER TEQUILA SHOT?

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SO BASICALLY HUNTER BIDEN IS SUDDENLY SHOWING UP EVERYWHERE AGAIN AND HANGING OUT IN DC MAKING EVERYONE SWEAT WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE HIS DAD JUST DROPPED OUT OF THE RACE SO NOW EVERYONE IS WONDERING WHAT THE HECK HE ACTUALLY WANTS SINCE HE WAS JUST PARDONED AND HE MIGHT BE TRYING TO REHABILITATE HIS PUBLIC IMAGE OR MAYBE HE JUST WANTS TO CASH IN ON HIS WILD FAMILY DRAMA AND WRITE ANOTHER CRAZY MEMOIR OR SOMETHING WHILE THE REPUBLICANS ARE LOSING THEIR MINDS ABOUT IT. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER VODKA RED BULL OR WHAT?

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SO BASICALLY TRUMP WENT ON TV AND STARTED YELLING ABOUT TARIFFS WHICH ARE BASICALLY TAXES ON FOREIGN STUFF AND HE CALLED THEM A TREMENDOUS THING THAT WILL MAKE AMERICA RICH AGAIN BUT THEN LITERALLY EVERY ECONOMIST AND MOST NORMAL AMERICANS LOST THEIR MINDS BECAUSE TARIFFS ACTUALLY JUST MAKE GROCERIES AND CARS WAY MORE EXPENSIVE FOR US REGULAR PEOPLE SO NOW EVERYONE IS FIGHTING ABOUT WHETHER WE SHOULD TAX IMPORTS OR NOT WHILE THE PRICES KEEP GOING UP AT THE STORE AND NO ONE CAN EVEN HEAR EACH OTHER OVER THIS LOUD ASS BASS. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT OF TEQUILA?

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SO BASICALLY TRUMP WENT ON TV AND TOLD EVERYONE NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN TO AMERICA ANYMORE WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE THE ECONOMY IS DOING LOOPS AND THE WORLD IS BASICALLY ON FIRE AND HE IS JUST STANDING THERE TELLING EVERYONE TO CHILL OUT AND NOT WORRY ABOUT A THING SO NOW HIS SUPPORTERS ARE EATING IT UP LIKE CANDY AND THE HATERS ARE LOSING THEIR MINDS COMPLETELY WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE NOTHING HAS ACTUALLY CHANGED EXCEPT HIS VIBES. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT?

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SO BASICALLY CNN JUST DROPPED THIS HUGE LIST OF THE NINE SENATE SEATS MOST LIKELY TO FLIP IN TWENTY TWENTY SIX WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE WE ARE BARELY PAST THE MIDTERMS AND ALREADY EVERYONE IS LOSING THEIR MINDS OVER CONTROL OF CONGRESS AND SO NOW DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS ARE POURING BILLIONS OF DOLLARS INTO PLACES LIKE TEXAS AND NORTH CAROLINA AND MAINE JUST TO SEE WHO GETS TO SIT IN A FANCY CHAIR AND ARGUE ABOUT TAXES WHILE WE ALL JUST TRY TO HEAR THE BASS DROP. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER VODKA RED BULL?

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