Terms of Service
Last updated 12 August 2026
These terms govern your use of https://albixhafa.com/news. By using the site you accept them. If you do not agree, please do not use the site.
What this site is — read this part
Club-Splaining News is a satire and parody site. It takes real news headlines from public RSS feeds and has an AI language model retell each one in the voice of an over-confident stranger explaining the news in a nightclub.
The retellings are fiction in the shape of news. They are written automatically, in ALL CAPS, for comic effect. They are not journalism, not reporting, not statements of fact, and no reasonable reader should take them as literal accounts of what happened. Any impression that a named person, company or government did something the underlying article does not say is unintended and is not asserted as fact.
Every item links to the original article. That link is the news. This site is the joke. Do not rely on anything here for any financial, legal, medical, safety, electoral or employment decision.
AI disclosure
All summary text on this site is generated by an AI model (gemini-3.5-flash-lite) from a headline and a short snippet. AI models produce confident, fluent text that can be factually wrong. Content is published without a human reading every item first. Generated content is labelled as such on every card, on every permalink page, and in the site footer, consistent with transparency obligations for AI-generated content including Article 50 of the EU AI Act.
Third-party headlines and trade marks
Headlines, publisher names, trade marks and logos referenced here belong to their owners. They are used for reporting, commentary, criticism and parody, with attribution and an outbound link to the source, and their use implies no affiliation with or endorsement by those owners. We reproduce headlines and short factual descriptors only — never full articles — and we link rather than republish.
Right of reply, correction and removal
If you are named in an item and it is inaccurate, unfair, or reads as an allegation of something you did not do, write to you@albixhafa.com. Tell us the URL and what is wrong. We will correct or delete the item, normally within a few business days, and we do not require you to prove harm first. Rights holders who believe material infringes their copyright should identify the material and their interest in it and we will review promptly.
Acceptable use
You may read the site, link to it, and share individual items. You may not:
- present items from this site as factual reporting, or strip the satire labelling when republishing;
- scrape or crawl at a rate that burdens the service, or circumvent any rate limit or access control;
- republish the feed wholesale as a competing product;
- use the site unlawfully, or attempt to breach, probe or disrupt its security or availability.
Automated access is tolerated only within our robots.txt and at a courteous rate. A JSON
endpoint exists at /api/news for personal and internal use.
Audience
The site is intended for an adult general audience. It contains informal language and references to nightlife and drinking. It is not directed at children.
Intellectual property
The site's design, code, and the arrangement and presentation of the feed belong to Albi Xhafa. Automatically generated text may not attract copyright protection in every jurisdiction; we make no claim beyond what the law allows.
Availability
The site is provided free and may change, break or disappear without notice. We do not guarantee uptime and are under no obligation to maintain it.
Disclaimers and liability
To the fullest extent permitted by law, the site is provided "as is" and "as available", without warranties of any kind, express or implied, including merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, accuracy and non-infringement.
To the fullest extent permitted by law, we are not liable for any indirect, incidental, consequential or punitive damages, or for lost profits, arising from your use of the site or reliance on its content. Where liability cannot be excluded, it is limited to USD 100.
Nothing here excludes liability for death or personal injury caused by negligence, for fraud, or any other liability that cannot lawfully be limited. If you are a consumer, you keep all mandatory rights under the law of your country of residence — including, in the EU and UK, statutory rights that these terms cannot override.
Changes and governing law
We may amend these terms; the date above will change and continued use signals acceptance. These terms are governed by the laws of New York, United States, without prejudice to mandatory consumer protections available to you locally.