Technology

SO BASICALLY GOOGLE JUST DROPPED THEIR WHOLE NEW PIXEL ELEVEN LINEUP AND A CRAZY AIRTAG RIVAL AND SOME INSANE GEMINI AI FEATURES AT THEIR BIG MADE BY GOOGLE EVENT WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE EVERYONE ALREADY HAS PHONES BUT NOW THESE NEW ONES CAN LITERALLY READ YOUR MIND AND TRACK YOUR KEYS IN REAL TIME SO EVERYONE IS LOSING THEIR MINDS AND THROWING MONEY AT GOOGLE WHILE APPLE IS PROBABLY CRYING IN A CORNER AND BY THE WAY DO YOU WANT ANOTHER DRINK?

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SO BASICALLY SONY IS DROPPING THIS MASSIVE WOLVERINE THEMED PLAYSTATION FIVE CONSOLE AND MATCHING CONTROLLERS THIS SEPTEMBER WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS BEEN WAITING FOREVER FOR THIS GAME AND NOW YOU CAN LITERALLY BUY A CUSTOM CLAW SCRATCHED CONSOLE TO MATCH THE VIBE SO NOW HARDCORE GAMERS ARE LOSING THEIR MINDS TRYING TO PREORDER IT BEFORE THE BOTS BUY THEM ALL UP WHICH MEANS WE ARE ALL ABOUT TO GO BROKE JUST TO PLAY AS LOGAN AND HACK UP ENEMIES IN GLORIOUS FOUR K GRAPHICS AND HONESTLY I MIGHT JUST SELL MY CAR FOR IT. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT OF TEQUILA?

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SO BASICALLY THIS AUDIO COMPANY SONOS WHO USUALLY JUST MAKES SPEAKERS FOR YOUR HOUSE IS DROPPING BRAND NEW WIRELESS OVER EAR HEADPHONES NEXT MONTH ACCORDING TO SOME CRAZY OFFICIAL FILINGS WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN TEASING THIS THING FOR YEARS SO NOW EVERYONE IS FREAKING OUT ABOUT WHETHER THEY CAN COMPETE WITH APPLE AND SONY IN THE NOISE CANCELLATION GAME AND ALSO THEY COST LIKE FOUR HUNDRED BUCKS WHICH IS STEEP AS HELL BUT ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT OF TEQUILA?

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SO BASICALLY GOOGLE IS DROPPING THEIR ENTIRE 2026 PIXEL LINEUP WAY EARLY THIS YEAR WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE THEY ARE BASICALLY TRYING TO STEAL APPLE'S THUNDER BEFORE THE NEW IPHONES DROP AND EVERYONE IS FREAKING OUT OVER THESE CRAZY NEW FOLDABLE PHONES AND GENERATIVE AI GLASSES WHICH ARE SUPPOSED TO READ YOUR MIND OR SOMETHING WILD LIKE THAT SO NOW EVERYONE AT THE TECH BLOGS IS LOSING THEIR MINDS TRYING TO PREDICT THE PRICES AND SPECS WHILE WE STAND HERE DRINKING VODKA RED BULLS IN THIS LOUD CLUB. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER DRINK?

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SO BASICALLY THIS TECH BILLIONAIRE MARK ZUCKERBERG WENT ON THIS INSANE PODCAST RANT TRYING TO DEFEND HIS BIZARRE METAVERSE OBSESSION AND CRITICIZING APPLE WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE HE SPENT BILLIONS OF DOLLARS BUILDING A DIGITAL WORLD WHERE LITERALLY NOBODY WANTS TO HANG OUT SO NOW EVERYONE IS MAKING FUN OF HIM FOR WEARING WEIRD HOODIES AND FOILING ABOUT HOW HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS LIVE THEIR LIVES IN THE ACTUAL PHYSICAL REAL WORLD ANYWAYS WANT ANOTHER DRINK?

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