Health & Wellness

SO BASICALLY THE WHO IS FREAKING OUT BECAUSE THERE IS A MASSIVE EBOLA OUTBREAK IN THE CONGO WHICH IS LITERALLY ON TRACK TO BECOME THE DEADLIEST ONE IN ACTUAL HISTORY AND EVERYONE IS PANIC TRANSPIRING AND YELLING OVER THE BASS BECAUSE THE VIRUS IS SPREADING SO FAST SO NOW HEALTH WORKERS ARE RUNNING AROUND WITH VACCINES TRYING TO CONTAIN IT BEFORE IT BLOWS UP GLOBALLY AND I JUST BOUGHT ANOTHER DRINK WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU OVER THIS DROP

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SO BASICALLY THERE IS THIS FLESH EATING BACTERIA THRIVING IN WARMING OCEAN WATERS EVERYWHERE AND IT IS LEGITIMATELY DEVOURING PEOPLES LIMBS WHICH IS SUPER TERRIFYING BECAUSE CLIMATE CHANGE IS LITERALLY MAKING THE BEACH A BIOHAZARD ZONE SO NOW YOU CANNOT EVEN GO FOR A SWIM WITHOUT RISK OF LOSING AN ARM TO SOME GROSS SEA MONSTER GERB SO YOU HAVE TO WASH YOUR CUTS AND STAY OUT OF THE WATER WITH OPEN WOUNDS OR YOU MIGHT LITERALLY MELT. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT?

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SO BASICALLY THERE IS THIS MASSIVE EBOLA OUTBREAK IN THE DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO WHICH HAS ALREADY KILLED OVER TWO THOUSAND PEOPLE AND THE WHOLE SITUATION IS GETTING COMPLETELY OUT OF HAND BECAUSE THE HEALTH WORKERS ARE TRYING SO HARD TO VACCINATE EVERYONE BUT THEY KEEP GETTING ATTACKED BY ARMED REBELS WHO THINK THE MEDICAL CLINICS ARE SPREADING THE VIRUS ON PURPOSE SO NOW THE DEATH TOLL JUST KEEPS CLIMBING AND NO ONE CAN STOP IT. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT?

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SO BASICALLY MEDICARE DECIDED TO PAY WAY LESS MONEY FOR STANDARD CATARACT SURGERY WHICH IS SUPER MESSED UP FOR DOCTORS WHO RELY ON THAT CASH SO NOW THESE EYE DOCTORS ARE FREAKING OUT AND FORCING PATIENTS TO PAY EXTRA THOUSANDS OF DOCTORS OUT OF POCKET FOR THESE FANCY NEW LASERS THAT THEY CLAIM ARE WAY BETTER EVEN THOUGH REGULAR SURGERY WORKS FINE WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE GRANDMA JUST WANTS HER EYES FIXED AND NOW SHE HAS TO DODGE UPSELLS AT THE OPTOMETRIST LIKE SHE IS BUYING A USED CAR!

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SO BASICALLY THE WHO JUST ANNOUNCED THAT THIS MASSIVE EBOLA OUTBREAK IN CONGO ACTUALLY STARTED MONTHS BEFORE ANYONE OFFICIALLY DECLARED IT WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS JUST CHILLING THINKING EVERYTHING WAS FINE WHILE THIS DEADLY VIRUS WAS ALREADY SPREADING LIKE WILDFIRE AND SO NOW PUBLIC HEALTH OFFICIALS ARE FREAKING OUT TRYING TO CONTACT TRACE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE AND FIGURE OUT HOW THEY MISSED IT FOR SO LONG. ANYWAYS DO YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT OF TEQUILA?

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