How it works

Club-Splaining News is a joke with a pipeline behind it. Here is exactly what that pipeline does, so nobody has to guess whether the thing they just read was reported or invented.

The pipeline

1. Pull. Once per cycle we fetch a public RSS feed for one news category and read the newest headlines, publisher names and short snippets.
2. Screen. Headlines matching a blocklist — suicide and self-harm, child abuse, sexual violence, mass-casualty attacks, missing children — are dropped without ever reaching the model. Some subjects are not a bit.
3. Rewrite. The headline goes to an AI model (gemini-3.5-flash-lite) with instructions to retell it in the voice of a very confident stranger in a nightclub, and hard rules against inventing facts.
4. Check. Output is rejected automatically if it is the wrong length or the wrong shape. Rejected items are skipped, not patched.
5. Publish. One story per cycle, with a plain-English one-liner and a link to the original article. Items older than seven days are deleted automatically.

The rules the model is given

The model is told, in short, that it may only describe what the headline and snippet actually say. It must not invent crimes, scandals, lawsuits, quotes, motives, numbers or causes. Where the source does not explain why something happened, it has to say so out loud — "and nobody is saying why yet" — instead of filling the gap. Allegations must stay allegations. It may not use slurs, strong profanity, or mock people who were hurt.

What we cannot promise

AI models are fluent liars. Guardrails reduce invented detail; they do not eliminate it. Nothing here is fact-checked by a person before it goes live. If you read something on this site and it matters to you, click the link and read the real article — that is the entire reason the link is there on every single item.

Corrections and right of reply

If an item names you and gets it wrong, or implies something the original article does not report, email you@albixhafa.com with the permalink. We will correct or delete it, normally within a few business days. We do not require you to prove harm, hire anyone, or explain why it bothers you.

The same applies to publishers and rights holders — see Terms of Service.

What we do with data

No accounts, no ads, no tracking by default. The details are in the Privacy Policy and the Cookie Policy.